Spontaneous Moments of Joy

Posted on September 3, 2010

…they come to me more frequently now than ever.  And here’s who and what I have to thank for it:  Dallas Page and YRG (http://www.yrgfitness.com/), my role model Terri Lange, eliminating gluten and cow dairy, eating mindfully, feeling the feelings, long-distance walking, pumping iron a few times a week, and a good old-fashioned lightening bolt of Divine Intervention that got the ball rolling in the first place back in January 2009.

Today as I drove to belly dance class in my new and very compact car that I couldn’t have wedged myself into two years ago, I was struck by how amazing I felt. In a span of seconds came the awareness of the fortitude of my skeletal system, the fact that my abdomen is actually concave now, and of course…the elevated energy levels that come from physical activity and clean eating.

The fruits of my labor are my new normal now, but at 3:05 p.m. today I was really thunderstruck at how good balance feels. There is nothing that’s better than having the body, mind, and spirit aligned and humming.

It’s astounding what a generous a payback the YRG lifestyle yields. People who know my story (which includes regaining 100 pounds twice in my life) know I have a strict rule against being strict. My experience is that it’s a set up for a prison break, and prison breaks for me mean dividing my time between the potato chip aisle of the supermarket or the KFC drive thru.

I can’t say enough about the benefits of eliminating the poisons of gluten and cow dairy. In a month I’ll be 46…and I look and feel exponentially better than I did at age 20 or 18 or 16. I even look better than the two occasions in my 20’s when I lost 100 pounds. Must have had something to do with the fact that they were nothing more than white-knuckle episodes of excruciating and prolonged dieting. I was miserable and it showed, and not surprisingly, the unnatural state could not be sustained. I couldn’t wait for the arrival of the inevitable moment: a precision-executed swan dive off the wagon that would have made an Olympic diving coach proud.

And about that non-strictness policy…two nights ago I thoroughly enjoyed a fried chicken dinner (on the side was kale instead of butter-infused mashed potatoes and biscuits), the week before that when I was really feeling ready to enjoy it (this was not a moment of feeling-avoidance) I ate a g-free cupcake that was crowned with a thick, gorgeous butter cream frosting. The process of ingesting that cupcake was slow, deliberate, and liberating. These were things I used to binge eat in shame when I was ‘bad,’ or would declare banished forever when I was ‘good.’ And while I’ve made the choice to largely eliminate cow dairy, I start my day the way I have for the past 15 years: with a steaming double espresso splashed with light cream and a little honey. As I realized early on this time around: it’s not about eliminating pleasure, but managing my misuse of it.

I still get lots of pleasure from food. More, actually, than all my years of binge eating, because I’m actually paying attention when I eat now. Last night, I was up well past midnight making a triple-batch of gluten-free zucchini bread. It’s glorious. People who’ve tried it have no clue it’s gluten-free and absolutely swoon over it. I promise to post the recipe soon.

Tomorrow I’m heading due west to a family reunion near Buffalo. It’s a long drive, but I’m packing the bread for the legions of curious relatives who’ve been asking me via e-mail how I manage to survive not eating wheat.

It’s a small offering and only a tiny part of the puzzle, but I’m hoping that a moist slice of perfectly sweetened, homemade bread and the visual of my completely transformed body and spirit may be enough to convince them that change can and does happen – with minimal suffering.

2006
August 2010
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Making It Stick

Posted on August 22, 2010

Question I just received from a fellow-Truth-Seeker:  how easy is it for me to eat gluten- and dairy-free?  Answer:  it gets easier with time.

There was no shortcut for me…I simply did it through good old-fashioned reinforcement through repetition until it became a way of life.  Didn’t make all changes up front because it would have been too overwhelming.  Introduced new foods and let go of destructive ones gradually in order of importance. First to go were my primary binge foods, then I pared back from there.  There was a time when I considered cream cheese to be a food group unto itself. I subsisted on it…and basically wore the consequences.  I still adore cheese, but nowadays,  you can find me sinking my teeth into a pale yellow wedge of Manchester (www.considerbardwellfarm.com/cheese.html ) or a snowy white wheel of White Lily (www.sweetspringfarm.com/ourproducts.html).

I feel so amazing now that I’m gluten and dairy free I’m rarely tempted to re-enter those realms again. There are so many satisfying and viable alternatives for cheese, bread, cake, and flatbread that don’t involve gluten or cow-dairy that I tell you truthfully there’s no suffering involved.  Yeah, there are little things that could be quibbled over, like the texture of most g-free bread is a little different, but I’m down 163 pounds.  Call me annoyingly optimistic, but I deem that a fair trade.

I do eat cheese very occasionally. The trick I’ve learned is to make sure it’s gorgeous and artistic and worth the deviation AND that I really want it, and I’m not using it to fill a hole or alleviate stress.

And then…I proceed to enjoy it without an ounce of recrimination.

Here’s to eating with Joy & Awareness!

xoxo

Stacey



Jeffery Bowers, master cheese-maker at Sweet Spring Farm in Cossayuna, N.Y. putting the final touches on a new batch of White Lily, an outrageously good soft-ripened goat cheese.



Forensic evidence that cream cheese was never meant to be a primary protein source 

Clean eating:  The benefits are undeniable 

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An Early (Raspberry) Season

Posted on August 19, 2010

Since Raspberry season has come early this year, I’m wasting no time. Picked three pounds on Sunday at Gardenworks Farm in Salem, N.Y. (http://www.gardenworksfarm.com/)  . That’s only the beginning…anyone familiar with my love of raspberries knows I’m only in the embryonic stages of full seasonal exploitation.

Upon arrival home from Gardenworks, I let out an audible cry of despair after realizing the freezer was completely overloaded (mostly with g-free products I buy on sale and stash). Once raspberries are picked, it’s a pretty quick countdown to spoilage, so I got to work. My cousin, Alice, who picked with me, made jam.  Since I’ve never ventured into jam-making territory, I chose to play to my strengths.

The following is one of my favorite dessert recipes that I’ve adapted to suit my personal taste (as in, using less sugar that is called for; I find most baking recipes are too heavy-handed with it). No matter who tries this chocolate wonder-dessert, they invariably end up clamoring for more…and for the recipe. And they’re usually moaning too loudly to hear me mention that it’s a dessert that falls in line with my gluten-free way of eating. I discovered this symphonic overture for Flourless Chocolate Cake on one of my favorite recipe sites of all time: http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/ . Karina Allrich truly is a Goddess and has made me one ecstatic gluten-free gastronome.

Here’s the link to Karina’s recipe…try it, by all means:

http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/2007/01/flourless-chocolate-cake_11.html

© Gluten-Free Goddess

For my version of her recipe, I substituted baking (bitter) chocolate for regular dark (Belgian) chocolate. Bitter chocolate + light and dark sugar = ecstasy! So herewith is Stacey’s Version of Karina’s Recipe For:

Flourless Chocolate Cake Crowned with Local Raspberries

16 ounces baking (bitter) chocolate (two eight-ounce boxes)

1 cup organic brown sugar (light or dark)

½ cup organic sugar

1 cup hot espresso or very strong coffee

2 sticks room-temperature unsalted butter

2 tablespoons cocoa powder

8 large organic free-range eggs at room temperature, blended until smooth with a hand beater or immersion blender

1 tablespoon vanilla (bourbon vanilla if you have it)

Preheat oven to 350

I’ve mixed the ingredients two ways: Karina’s food processor method and stovetop method below:

In a large saucepan, melt butter and chocolate together over medium heat, whisking occasionally. When chocolate is mostly dissolved into the butter, gradually whisk in sugars, alternating with hot coffee. Turn heat off and keep whisking. At this point, the chocolate batter may get alarmingly dense and thick, don’t panic! Just keep whisking as best you can. (The addition of the eggs will make everything OK) When mixture is completely smooth, add eggs and vanilla and whisk until smooth.

Spray a spring form (cheesecake) pan with olive oil cooking spray. Cover the bottom of the pan with foil to safeguard any leaks. Pour chocolate cake mixture into pan. Optional: place cake pan in a square baking dish filled with a few inches of water. Bake for 30-50 minutes. I’ve found the cake is done after about 30 minutes, baked on the bottom rack. Check after 30 minutes to assess if you need more time. Cake should be firm in the center and be slightly pulling away from the edges of the pan. Don’t over bake or the cake will be dry and chalky. A few cracks on the surface are OK. Baking in a water bath will help keep it moister.

Cool covered for 30 to 60 minutes before refrigerating. May be served chilled or at room temperature. Top with fresh raspberries. The tartness of the berries is a nice contrast to the dense sweetness of the cake. Bon Appetit!

Fruits of my labor

My friend Mary, who’s not g-free, but ADORES this cake!

The next raspberry recipe is much easier – no baking required. Just a blender:

Raspberry Smoothie

12 ounces almond milk

1 cup raspberries

1-2 scoops protein powder (my favorite: Jay Robb’s Vanilla Egg White Protein Powder http://www.jayrobb.com/cat_proteinEggVan_12.asp)

2 tsp. Agave syrup (raspberries can be a little tart)

1 tsp. vanilla

Blend and enjoy thoroughly.

3 comments

The French Fry Alternative

Posted on July 29, 2010

My salt tooth, though legendary, has been tamed in recent months.  I still get the occasional craving for glistening, hot French fries showered in salt and if I’m at an exceptionally good restaurant, like Balthazar, I’ll dig in. http://www.balthazarny.com/menus/brunch.pdf .

Sometimes when a salt craving hits, I’ll channel it into something relatively tame like rice crackers with olive tapenade (recipe to be posted at a later date), or those amazing Rice Works creations. Made of brown rice, the Sea Salt is the closest thing I’ve ever gotten to Fritos while maintaining my equilibrium and the Sweet Chili are a dead ringer for Doritos http://www.riceworkssnacks.com/flavors_USA.html .
During squash blossom season, however, I shelve the above options, unearth my large cast iron skillet and have a ball.  There’s nothing quite like a fried squash blossom.  It’s flavor is delicate but distinctive. The nutritional content remains a mystery to me but I’m guessing their orange color has to mean there’s some significant beta carotene involved…and maybe a little fiber. I’ve never had the patience to stuff them so I simply dunk the squash blossoms in gluten-free batter and lay each one down in a sizzling bath of hot grapeseed oil (best for frying because of its high smoking point).  In no time they’re crisp and ready to eat…but not before the requisite shower of salt.  Hey, I have a salt tooth….what did you expect?
Fried Squash Blossoms
12 squash blossoms
Grapeseed or light olive oil (not extra virgin)
1 cup gluten-free flour (rice, tapioca, chick pea, etc.)
1/2 tsp. garlic or onion powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1 can seltzer
Heat oil on medium heat in skillet. In medium mixing bowl blend dry ingredients well. Add seltzer a little at a time, whisking thoroughly with wire whisk until flour turns to a pancake batter-like consistency…perhaps a little thinner. (Squash blossoms are very delicate and won’t tolerate a heavy batter).  Dip blossoms in batter one at a time and coat thoroughly before placing in pan (oil should be heated enough that they sizzle when placed in the pan). Fry for about 2-3 minutes on each side or until crisp. Set cooked blossoms aside on a plate or keep warm in a toaster oven until ready to serve.
Bon Appetit!
I think I channeled Scavullo on this shoot.  They were so gorgeoous I couldn’t stop clicking.
And does it need to be said?  They’re WAY better than French fries ♥
4 comments

That Feeling of Fullness

Posted on July 13, 2010

Fullness doesn’t begin to describe the way I felt after ritually stuffing myself with something profoundly caloric, like Italian bread soaked in butter, salad mixing bowls filled with macaroni and cheese, and those super sized spreads where all I had to do was remain cloaked in the privacy of my car, reach my arm a little to the left, grab the paper bag and speed away in a cloud of dust.  Quickly I wanted to forget the emptiness of my life…or sometimes the stress…or sometimes the desperation of the cycle of it all.

People ask me now if I had health problems from being 300 pounds + for 20 years.  I didn’t.  Guess coming from healthy stock has its advantages. There was no knee or back pain, or even high blood pressure (much to the dismay of those who were waiting to pounce with their “you’ve got to think about your health” speeches.)  What I did have were the shackles of fat which kept me away from a lot of life…which also kept the emptiness intact. Because when I was in the cycle, it unavoidably thwarted the life force that naturally longs to course through all of us.  This meant innocuous but important things like relationships were compromised.  Why?  Because I was too knocked out to really connect with people.  I thought I was giving it the old college try, but looking back, much of my time was spent either digesting a binge or planning the next one. Doesn’t leave a lot of room for building relationships with others.

So when I recently visited one of my dearest friends on the planet, I was pretty amazed at the contrast – between the time spent with her last weekend vs. my visit three years ago. I’ve known Aunt Connie since before I could walk or talk.  She was my mom’s roommate at Lycoming College and they thankfully never lost touch.  Aunt Connie and I are both Libra to the core, seeking out beauty and pleasure and harmony with a passionate determination.  She has always had an innate sense of how to balance pleasure-seeking while I required a few decades of fine tuning. Aunt Connie’s Heart is wide, pulsating, and ever-generous.  Her passion lights up a room like a joyous lightening bolt.  It used to exhaust me, now I delight in it.  And she has this way of making guests feel like royalty.  Little touches like new bottles of shampoo in the bathroom, lavender sachets on the turned down bed, and an elegant spread she assembles within minutes of my arrival as she describes the dance-yoga-pilates class she took yesterday followed by Aunt Connie’s review of her latest favorite restaurant, Zero Otto Nove (which she drives me to later to prove her point).

The one and only Dr. Connie Vance, presiding in her kitchen
Perfect heatwave repast, both chilled: sliced green apple and a flawless potato soup (no dairy) recipe from Judith Jones’ excellent “Cooking for One”

All around me were the gifts the past 15 months of transformation (from the inside out…I didn’t go on a diet this time, that’s why it worked). It was swelteringly hot and humid.  I was a little uncomfortable but not irate and moaning. Three years ago, I was irate, moaning, and slumped on her couch fanning myself.

Three years ago, I would have packed some insurance in the form of potato chips or fast food and spent a significant part of my three-hour drive down I-87 eating.  Instead, I pop a few walnuts and chug herbal tea (my constant road companion). I arrive at 1:30 p.m. only slightly hungry (heatwaves sometimes do that to me). She served me the elegant spread above and I savored, no I delighted in it all, from the faint hint of garlic in the potato soup to the mint leaves and the fragrant taste they left in the iced tea.

We talk about life:  her book on mentoring that’s just gone to the publisher, my latest travel writing assignment, the latest books she’s reading (Aunt Connie usually has 3-4 in progress simultaneously). As usual, she has a verbal list of all the things she’d love us to experience during my visit…if only there were 48 hours in a day.  So we settle for a handful of them that starts with what we both believe to be the best Little Italy in the world – Arthur Avenue in the North Bronx.

It was Aunt Connie who took me on my maiden voyage there during the winter of 2001 and the experience changed me on a neurobiochemical level. Truly the next best thing to actually being in Italia:  there are signs written in Italian that announce the sale of hand-rolled pasta and fresh mozzarella, lyrical notes of spoken Italian ascend above the drone of English on the sidewalks and in cafes, and then there’s the food.  I don’t have room here to give it the full scope of justice it deserves. I’ll just summarize by saying it’s all good.

Espresso at Palombo Pastry Shop
I can’t help the giddiness.  It happens every time I step onto the Terra Santa known as Arthur Avenue
Gilbert Teitel, Patriarch of Teitel Bros. Imports
Reuniting with my hero after three interminable years.  He supplies the world with Don Luigi, the best extra virgin olive oil on the planet (I’ve been known to tote little glass bottles of it to restaurants)
Dining at Zero Otto Nove, Roberto Pacciulo’s charming trattoria named for the area code of his native Salerno
Arugula salad with Peccorino
Meatballs and polenta bathed in mind-blowingly good marinara
Broccoli Rabe – deep emerald, sturdy, and delicious
Eggplant Parm…Roberto-style
The appetizers were too appealing to narrow it down to two…
So we skipped entrees and stopped ourselves at four
No one says no to Roberto’s Tiramisu
After dinner, we managed to squeeze in a wine-tasting in Pelham and a major Trader Joe’s shopping spree in Scarsdale (that’s actually the closet one to Lake George, so I stock up when I’m in Westchester County) before heading home to rest up for a 7 a.m. wake up call because…
A morning at Stone Barns awaited us…
But not before summoning the two non-neogtiables of my mornings: sunny side up eggs and espresso made a little less abrasive with cream. Even a quick breakfast is elegant at Aunt Connie’s pied-à-terre.
It’s at this Tarrytown paradise where we toured the greenhouses and fields (which always are in some magnificent stage of pre-harvest blossoming during summer months); took a food memoir writing workshop with the amazing Carol Durst, and later dined on corn soup, string bean salad, and just-picked cherries at the Blue Hill Cafe. Then we shopped the farmers market where I lavished Aunt Connie with blueberries, and she bought me a box of wildcrafted Roobios tea. We sat near some flowers and reminisced about the times she would visit me as when I was a kid growing up in Lake George. How even at age 8 I was fascinated with pink lipstick….and any other powdery smelling treasure I could pull from her quilted make up bag. It was Aunt Connie who taught me how to finely chop onions for the omelets she loved surprising my mother with. She also taught me my first few words in a foreign language (French) and whisked me around Paris on my unforgettable first visit. I guess you could say Aunt Connie has been a kaleidescope in human form…showing me uncountable wonders and ways to enjoy life – even just a drop more. The day was wearing on and she had to get home and grade college papers. I had to drive back to Lake George, my trunk packed with remnants of my travels through Arthur Avenue, Pelham, and Scarsdale. I left our time together feeling very full…and food was only a fraction of it.
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