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Working Harder…Outshining the Detractors

Picture it: New York City, March of 2000. There I am in the Hearst Building, otherwise known as the beehive of American magazine publishing. Clutching my reporter’s notebook and a brand-new pen, I stride into the marbled lobby, all 330 pounds of me. I’m coiffed, immaculately accessorized, city-chic in all-black, and I’m heading into the offices of Cosmopolitan magazine.

Not the offices of Cosmo, but you get the picture…

 

 

That’s right. Cosmo. The home of wispy-thin cover models and pages of sage monthly sex tips on ‘how to make your hot sex life even hotter!’ Deep stuff sells. And Cosmo is certainly proof of that. For anyone who doesn’t know, Cosmopolitan is all about women aspiring to be FAB-U-LUUUS. And that starts with looking flawless.

 

Did I mention that my destination on the 37th floor was the inner lair of this shrine to female perfection? Yes, I was about 200 pounds over the acceptable weight limit by Cosmo-standards, but the other truth at play in this scenario is, after a lifetime of berating myself, I’d decided I’d had enough. So why not embrace the polaric opposite of wispy-thin and not simply accept myself, but CELEBRATE who I am in all it’s glory? I’m bigger than most women, so what? Is that a reason to cower in shame? For years I believed it was. Then one day I realized how ridiculous that was. I put the car of my mind chatter in reverse and did a 180. That sort of “Chappy Chutzpah” is how I got the gig to interview the magazine’s editor-in-chief. Which is why on that magical day 17 years ago, I was being escorted by a polite assistant to Kate White’s corner office for what turned out to be a voluptuous and very interesting interview…for both parties.

 

There’s something about being looked at as handicapped or less-than that makes one want, or perhaps need to try harder, do better, achieve greater heights. I knew full well that I was judged by my appearance. Lazy, less-than-competent, dull-minded were some of the misconceptions people put on me because of my largeness. So, (and this turned out to be a gift) I had to work a little harder than the average reporter. I did whatever it took to prove that a fat woman can be searingly insightful. Also intelligent. Also hard working. And quick on her feet.

 

“Stacey, I want to tell you something,” Kate White said when our 3 hours was up and she walked me back to the elevator. “This is the best interview I’ve ever had. You asked great questions….better than The Today Show, which I was just on.” I stood there stunned, elated, and grateful. Ms. White was not only a gracious interview subject, she freely gave praise and credit when it was due. I thanked her profusely and as she waved goodbye, she made a promise to send off a note of praise to my boss. Which she did. But he ended up hiding it from me. And that’s another show, Oprah, but my ensuing verbal scuffle with the boss was just another glowingly-won battle in the war I waged to repair my self-esteem and stick up for myself in a world that said I wasn’t worth a heck of a lot.

 

I share all this with you to make a point: The diet industry misses the mark in ways that are too numerous to enumerate. But one of them is this: manipulating calories and losing weight won’t cause a life-changing breakthrough for most people. For emotional eaters and escape artists like myself, focusing on getting the weight off is putting the cart before the horse. It was a far more urgent matter for me to address the non-existent self-esteem and start buttressing it from the subterranean on up. And that place happened to be at a weight that exceeded most NFL linebackers. So what? I didn’t murder anyone, or steal money, or hurt someone’s children. In my estimation, those are the three valid reasons for bearing shame. Weight just isn’t in that category and it never should have been to begin with.

 

On the way to the theater in Williamstown, Mass. Always accessorized. Always.

 

Many of you who have read my cookbook-memoir “Clean Comfort” know the denouement of my life story. I continue on as a 300-pound woman for nearly 20 years. One snowy day in January 2009, life gives me a series of wake-up calls. I’m ready to listen. And back up that listening with taking sane and measured action on the wake-up calls. In the process, I give 180 pounds the pink slip.

 

I didn’t just wake up one day and decided this should happen. It took years of steady work, healing my wounds, and honoring myself in a world that said I had no right to be honored. These are the brass tacks of transformation. They have nothing to do with sweating at a gym or adhering to a particular food plan. Those are simply ancillary mechanics that aid with the calories in-calories out equation.

 

Solid change from within is what it takes for an emotional eater to spring herself from the hamster wheel. And that requires all those wonderful intangibles most weight loss gurus don’t go near because, well, it simply isn’t profitable for them. But that’s the good news-bad news moral of the story. The answers are within you. And only you can decide that the time has finally come to believe in yourself.

 

Oh yes, and PS, it’s going to feel really weird at first. Please don’t let that deter you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paleo Zucchini Bread

I may not be the biggest green-veggie fan on the planet, but I adore cooking with zucchini. This innocuous, mild summer vegetable is a blank canvas for so many things: low-carb fritters, mock pasta, healthy chips for my salt fix,and one of my all-time favorites: Zucchini Bread!

 

I’ve recently graduated from gluten-free white flour based baking to using pretty much only almond flour and coconut flour when I bake. There are so many reasons I’ve chosen this road. I pay only mild attention to trends, deciding for myself is something works for me, feels right within my body, and ultimately reflects well on the outside. I’ve concluded there’s some definite traction with the Paleo movement. It feels good, tastes good, and yields good results where my waistline and energy levels are concerned.

 

Since this is a Paleo recipe I’ve keep the sugar-content low. Bread like this doesn’t need to be super-sweet. I prefer to keep the palate a little neutral and let the individual decide while eating a slice if they’d like more sweetness: fruit jam, honey, and maple syrup all work well with this bread. One trick I use in low-sugar (or no-sugar) baking is using generous amounts of vanilla…it just naturally softens the flavor and makes it more mellow – and calorie-free.

 

 

Knowing that sweetness is an individual preference, I understand if you deem the amount of honey called for in the recipe too scant. Keeping my overall sugar grams low is something I’m pretty ferocious about (menopause and all – such fun!) but if you want or need to increase the amount, please do. Anything up to a third of a cup shouldn’t effect the bread’s texture.

 

 

 

 

Which, by the way, is pillowy soft – zucchini does that to a baking recipe – its watery nature adds a luscious moistness to cakes, breads, and cookies. Hope you enjoy…there will be plenty of opportunities from here on out because zucchini is EVERYWHERE now!

 

 

 



One of the many options for coping with stress

Food doesn’t solve a thing…its escapism and comfort-call are but illusions. However…

 

I flipped off the news 40 minutes ago, adhered the headphones, and set out on a walk into the morning sun. There are horrific things going on in other locations on the planet, but here I am.  What do I do with the knowledge I have, thanks to 24-hour news? I feel empathy. I send prayers. I hope for better times and more empathetic actions from others in the future. And I realize amid the chaotic evil that has its own cyclonic power.  I still feel the presence of Light within and around me. It is real. I do more than acknowledge it. I call to it, play with it, nurture it.

My pace quickens involuntarily and I walk towards the sun. It soaks into me and increases that Light. I notice how good this feels and welcome it. A wave of beautiful fragrance has reached me. I look around for its source and see blossoms ahead. Delicate, powerful, and simple. I stop to inhale the sweetness, another reminder about what is true, what is here now. What I can be thankful for. While others suffer, it’s the best choice I can make. It’s true that others are going through horrible experiences; and it’s also true that I am feeling tremendous amounts of Love and Gratitude. I’m both cynical and realistic enough to know from loads of experience that I don’t always feel this way. There’s many a day when the Light within vanishes and I feel hopeless. All the more reason to embrace the Light while it’s so inexplicably abundant.  It is selfish in the most positive of ways because it’s something I will share with those around me. TheButterflyEffect. No matter how small its currents, they spread and spread.

May there be Peace On Earth.

 

 

Taking time to Be…

Best Paleo Banana Bread (to date)

I don’t know why I love this recipe so much (aside from the fact that it’s simple and healthy). Perhaps because it just plain tastes good; that and banana bread is imprinted as a positive memory from childhood. Even a day-old and room-temperature it’s fantastic. It’s one of the few breads that stands on its own merit, but we all know a slathering of peanut or cashew butter knocks it out of the park.

Unlike those antiquated recipes from the 70’s, this one is fully modern and ready to service your taste buds and your body. The former staple known as white flour has been replaced by my hero, almond flour (or meal), imbuing this recipe with Paleo flair. And since super-ripe bananas are plenty sweet, there’s no need for additional sugar. If you’re in the process of adjusting to less sugar, this may not taste sweet enough to you. Give it time, your palate will adjust. My prediction is, this will become one of your favorite sweet treats. And one your body won’t have to recover from. What a deal!

 

PS – How good is this recipe? Can you see my dog Sophia in this photo, trailing me around the house as I conduct my photo shoot? 

 

 



A Sweet Epiphany

I think Life was trying to tell me something when I had an epiphany about sugar-free maple syrup last week and then had a serendipitous encounter with one of the best maple syrup facilities in the state. The epiphany: I don’t enjoy eating sugar-free maple syrup and no longer want to do it. And I definitely find the list of ingredients unappealing.

 

Natural, Delicious, Golden-Glory

 

For years, I’ve been ignoring the voice that’s been seeking my attention, the one that lets me know she’s unhappy and wants things to be different. I know the syrup debate seems small on the surface, but it’s a microcosm of the macro:  denying myself pleasure. It’s the chess game I play daily, corralling the binge-eater inside me who doesn’t want any rules, making her sit at the table with the more rational side of me while we negotiate a plan that doesn’t feel like a diet, includes good-tasting foods, covers some nutritional bases, while also ensuring I don’t eat past the point of fullness into a food-coma (America’s No. 1 form of escapism).  Sometimes without knowing it, I can veer too far in one direction and dismiss the ‘I’m unhappy’ signals as the binge-eater wanting to be indulged. I gave it much thought with the maple syrup and realized this is not the case. I simply enjoy the aroma, flavor, and texture of real maple syrup and detest that of sugar-free. It’s my truth. And furthermore…I tend to embrace that which comes from the #earth as a beneficial friend to the body, not a foe. So I decided it was time. Time to let the real back into my life.

 

The flavor and enjoyment are incomparable.

 

This doesn’t align with many of the low-sugar philosophies out there and by no means am I getting back on the white stuff. But when I want a pancake, or a waffle, or some sweetness in my oatmeal, this is what I’m using. And when I’m baking or making homemade chocolate, I’ll be using raw honey. Both have nutritional properties. Both taste delicious. And I’m choosing to take back some pleasure and enjoy it. In moderation. Just wanted to share that. It’s my truth and I hope it helps. There’s no greater gift than being true to yourself. It’s the ultimate #kindness. Meeting adjourned.

 

 

 

The happiness that comes from allowing without judgement.