My life has changed for the better in so many ways since 2009. It’s not that I think I’m a better person now that the weight’s gone. Making an exterior change does not bring or guarantee happiness. Because I still have a psyche which is subject to fear, anger, resentment, sorrow, boredom, and frustration. Keeping it off means regular attention to the swirl of emotions (welcome and unwelcome) that blow through my life. No one presented me with a ‘get out of jail free’ card for the feelings and emotions. Know why? No such card exists! Let’s stop pretending that it does. Spit out that gulp of Kool-Aid that various industries keep thrusting in your face. You know the message well by now: If you’re cellulite-free, a certain cup size, tan enough, wrinkle-free and adorned with glistening hair extensions, your perfection will guarantee a trouble-free life!
Being at a new size has brought me wonderful new experiences: It’s easier to move through the world now. I have more energy. Heatwaves no longer bring me to my knees, and I can wear color, dresses, skirts, denim – whatever I want! Before it was black stretch leggings every day of the year, and usually a black top. Existing at 345 pounds meant a lot of diving into denial just to survive and make life easier. I used to tell myself that I liked wearing black all the time. It wasn’t really true.
The weight loss was merely the paint on the new building.
The solid, and I mean rock-solid foundation that holds that new building firmly in its place is the emotional transformation. I live a much more honest life now. And that makes all the difference.